Pocket PC Road Blog [Part 2]

[Brad Isaac]

These are random musings of a Pocket PC Addict journeying into the rural netherworld of Pigeon Forge, TN
Well, here we are in Pigeon forge TN. Everyone I've talked to prior leaving for this vacation, has said this is a great family vacation destination.
Driving into town, the feeling is of a bit of wide eyed wonder. We notice lots of billboards, signs and small rundown strip malls. There is a carnival type of amusement park about once every couple of blocks.
To me, the city seems confused. My first impression was the town was torn between being a country hillbilly town and a Texas cowboy town. Throw in a bit of neon and signage worthy of Las Vegas and you've got in my opinion a huge mess.
The hotel seemed nice enough. Free wifi is always a plus. I am using it now as I type this. It was tricky to get rolling though. It had a front-page that required a JavaScript click through that PIE doesn't see. So I had to save the page into html format and then look at the source to extract the click through URL. Yuck...messy but it worked.
The first port of call is Dollywood for the kids - of -course. It is a pretty nice and clean park. The rides are about the equivalent of Bush gardens. The park is similar too. They have about a dozen bald eagles on display, like bush gardens.
One of the main things I have to point out is the quality of the food in this area. It wasn't until the 3rd day when we ate cold cereal in the hotel room that it occurred to me that that was one of the best meals I had had all vacation.
I don't know what the problem is around here, but we paid a mint for meals that were absolutely terrible. Now, before you think I'm being snobby, I have to let you know my family and I eat at K&W cafeteria at least once a month and we like it just fine.
One restaurant I have to mention as being particularly horrible was a diner called affectionately Mel's Diner. It looked to be one of those old 50s diners with the music, neon, and burgers and shakes. Personally, I've never had a bad meal at a diner, so I didn't see it coming. I ordered the meatloaf dinner, with corn and mashed potatoes. When it arrived, I was surprised that the meatloaf had been splattered with ketchup from one of the squeeze ketchup bottles. Hmmm...ok then.
The meatloaf was dry..VERY dry. Basically, I cannot even think of anything to compare it to. The hamburger was more like a congealed and hardened loaf of something. There were huge chunks of peppers and tomatoes in it that were about the same consistency of fruit stolen from a fruit cake. What is remarkable is with all of my experience as a former chef I still have absolutely no idea how they did it! Did they cook the meatloaf and then age it in a "tater cellar"? Did they "salt cure" it like one would do a ham? Really, I was more confused than angry by that one. But the corn! How in the @#$% do you mess up corn?!?! Do you miss the 10 minute window of time between it being done and overcooked? And at that, miss it by an additional 10 minutes? Here's a secret recipe to make corn. First, open the can, dump it into the pot, heat it over medium for 10 minutes. Isn't that tough? Yet this corn was the most overcooked, I've ever had. It tasted as if the natural sweetness of the corn wasn't enough, the cook instead added sugar to the water the corn was cooked in. The potatoes were average. Probably instant, which I guess is ok. But the gravy...wow! Was it gravy or engine sludge?
I guess I deserve the rude treatment from the waitress since I did go into a "Mel's diner" modeled after the TV show Alice of the 70's but it was remarkable just to see it live and in 3D. I asked her if they served pie for desert. She walked away and came back with a menu and shoved it in my face. "The desserts are on the menu." To add insult to injury, one of the managers was bussing a neighboring table and as she turned around to face me, she coughed directly in my face. It was one of those nasty chain smoking coughs too..
Then there was the bill. $50 for two kids meals and two adult meals. No alcoholic beverages, no desserts - they didn't serve pie! Have you ever been in a diner that DIDN'T serve pie?!?! By the way, when did kids meals on the menu pass the $5.00 mark? Some of the kids meals in this town were hitting $10 and $11! Does that sound right?
Well, back to the hotel for Alka-Seltzer, showers and hopefully some shuteye until Pocket PC Roadblog part 3
Related: Pocket PC Road Blog Part 1