Hmm.. I am not sure why the name would not show on an incoming text if the person is in your address book. One idea on the sending (and not being recognized), I occasionally get an extra space thrown in and have to delete that (seems like once I do this for a given contact it does not happen for that person again). For example
<123-456-7891 >John Doe rather than
<123-456-7891>John Doe |